Recovering

I actually forgot if I had a blog hahaha *bitter laugh* -_-

I've been busy with national exam and some other activities which REALLY does stress me out. Other than the exam, I agreed to join a competition which requires me to study/memorize a lot. The working too hard brain affected my last 3 months of life. My hair is falling out and I'm getting skinnier even though I eat as usual (even more than the usual). Not really the healthiest time of my life. The competition didn't turn out well, though. I can't even make it to the final. Right here hoping the graduation is worth this kind of stress. It has to be! 

Now the long holiday before entering college life has arrived, what to do?! I need something new to learn. Should I learn a new language first? What is it? Or should I take a music lesson? ... Or maybe cooking class? Hahaha ;) Gotta make up my mind soon or this holiday will come to its end. Oh I also plan to finish this blog design. I want to find a job too. I'm running out of money *sigh*

The Last Goodbye

I don't want to regret my mistake. I don't want to spend my time imagining what could've and what would've happened if I do this or that. You're a guy with lots of responsibility and me.. I'm a girl who expects too much. That's where we went wrong. It was nobody's fault.
No regret, no anger. Well yes there is definitely hurtful pain. It's not easy for me. Tears have been falling a lot from my eyes since it's over, I can honestly say.
But don't you worry, I'll be fine. Because I thank God everytime I think about you, everytime I think about those good memories, those silly conversations we had when we could be best friends and lovers at the same time. I thank God I had the chance to be with you even though it was just for a short time.
I do learn a lot from this, about life, about love, about relationship, and about you. I don't want to call you my 'ex'. I'd rather choose the term 'friend I accidentally fell in love with but it didn't work out and in the end we stay friends'.

Still Writing About You

Oh maaan! Someone please teach me how to be hopeless. I feel like there are two of me arguing inside my head. One tells me to keep my hopes up, another wants me to just give up, let go. Well I don't know what hurts worse...

Last night I went to his birthday bash. Yes, yesterday (21212) was his 17th birthday. The age of seventeen has always been special to some people, and in this case, to him too. He invited me to come, and even though the circumstances didn't let me, you know I just couldn't say no. And I fought to be there! His house is sooo far away, almost out of the town. My mom almost didn't let me to go because it's way too far and it's late. But  I begged on my knees *not literally*. I also have Try Out the next day. Me being there is probably the most obvious way to say: I still care.

When I arrived and he saw me, I could see happiness right in his eyes. I shook his hand and said "happy birthday!" with a big smile on my face, as if we were just friends, as if we don't have something between us. I know being at that place that time will only leave a bigger scar on my heart, because of the additional memories. But I guess I'll be okay. As long as he's happy... It's his special day, after all.

I watched him laughing, enjoying the moment. The pain couldn't be more hurtful as I see his happiness doesn't have to include me in it. He already has everything he need to be happy. Maybe I was just the cherry on top, completing his moment of joy. Inside I was really dying to talk to him, but at the same time I didn't know what's the right thing to say. So as usual, I just be quiet, making things left unsaid.

Two Months and Twenty-one Days

• November 22nd, 2011 - When it all started

I was very nervous. Fabio was sitting in front of me. I didn't know where to look, the silence was obvious, my heart was beating so fast. All I could do was 'busying' myself with my phone. I was there with Marsha beside me, because I'm too shy to meet him by myself. I was texting with my long distance friend, Ricky, telling him how nervous but at the same time happy I am. The silence was still loud, until I accidentally text Fabio that basically revealed that he's my crush. Gosh. I was sooo embarassed. I didn't know where to put my face. Situation became more awkward, until Marsha left me to meet her friend at another place, so there was only me and him. I got more nervous. Silence became louder. Finally he asked me to walk around before we go home, so I said okay. Then he started to confess his feelings, but he didn't say it clearly. Suddenly my dad called and asked me to go home as soon as possible. I was so sad because he hasn't said it yet, but I don't want my dad to get mad at me. I could see a little panic attack in his eyes when I said I had to go home that second. But as we went outside the building, he finally said it, around 08.50 pm. "I love you, Laras Putri Handoko." That's his exact words.

Sleeping Late

I DO NOT WANT TO SLEEP LATE EVER AGAIN!! SAY NO TO SLEEPING LATE!!! Errr -___-

I usually go to bed at 10, or 12 if I have last minute homeworks. After that my eyes would be really sleepy.

So last night I decided to stay awake and text with my bf all night. Not all night, at least until my eyes can't be forced to open anymore. I mean, it's still holiday and no school tomorrow so I guess I gave it a try. After midnight, I was getting really sleepy and tired of texting but I didn't want the conversation to end. So I thought I'd just call him for a while. It was 2.30 AM, I was still on the phone, and I thought it's enough. I need to sleep.

But readers... it wasn't 'the time of my life'. I enjoyed the conversation between me and my bf, though. I realized after midnight is just not really a friend to me. Let me explain why I hate sleeping late: